Interests:hanging out with friends, making new friends, photography, partying, dancing, shopping, eating, movie marathons, faith, Endo, philosophy, art, law, commerce, economics, japanese magazines, music, piano Occupation:Student
NB Another long blog (but there are pictures towards the end if you're still up for reading!)
Alright, so yesterday you might have noticed that I posted a REALLY angry blog titled FRUSTRATION! And yeah, that was the primary emotion I was feeling at the time of writing it towards two main people. The first person was somebody who I felt had taken advantage of everyone around her and had really manipulated people while hiding her true colours. She slipped up though and the mask fell off. That's what scared me, and that fear of who she was and what had happened with her that had a butterfly affect on so many peoples lives, particularly my family. Having to see someone so young with her whole life ahead of her play a SERIOUS game of chess in the world around her, seeing her control other people's perceptions of her and each other, and pit them dangerously, detrimentally even, in all the wrong directions ... that scared me and it upset me. Naturally I felt so lost with this deception, and this is something big to me, this is something serious that has recently happened that IS going to scar my life and IS going to take time for it to heal. Sure, I can put on a happy face ... but it's not so easy anymore.
The second person is someone who has time and time again proven himself to be untrustworthy. Someone who doesn't realise how what he does affects EVERYONE around him. How his sour mood can cut through people's happiness like a knife until everybody around him is morbid too. So, you might think to yourself he's just a grumpy person... suck it up princess... no. It's so much more than that. And if I had enough confidence? If I didn't care about this person... sure I would tell you all about it. But not today, and not now.
You may have noticed that when I write my blogs, my "title" always tends to be a quote that reflects the topic I'm writing on. Be it a song quote, a quote from a famous person, etc. So for this weblog entry I was looking up quotes for forgiveness. I think the one I put up on my title reflects how I feel and I guess isn't exactly appropriate because then it seems like I'm "forgiving" to smite the other person which I suppose is wrong. Having said this however, I think that it still takes some time before I'm completely open to the concept of forgiveness. I'm getting there though!! BUT the thing that really stood out for me when I was reading forgiveness quotes was that alot of them talked about the PERSON (me in this case) holding the resentment being the one who is trapped rather than the other way round. At first I was a bit annoyed with this because I was thinking well I'M not the one who did anything wrong. I'M not the one who needs forgiveness (in this case anyway), but then after some time I realised that well... I'm the one that's trapped in this emotion. They AREN'T looking for my forgiveness. They honestly don't care how much they've hurt me. If I want to forgive, it's something that I have to do myself FOR myself. Yay for quotes teaching us life lessons! Hah!
I guess the only thing that has really helped me get through this is blogging (however ambiguously) and my amazing boyfriend. Thank you Endo for ALWAYS standing by me. For not letting me doubt us for a second. For holding my hand and for holding me close. I love you SO much more than words can even begin to describe. I love talking with you until the early hours of the morning. Can't wait till Monday ^^, and then Wednesday hehehe! WOOH! I think I should come to you guys more often with my problems too haha, the responses I got made me smile and feel a little better. Wenguang's answer to life's problems seems to always be sex haha. His humour, however crude, always brings a smile to my face!! James and LeftOfHeaven always seem to be more perceptive though .
So, I guess this presents me with a question that I'd like to present YOU with. Do you ever feel like you're putting on a mask and the person people see isn't the real you? If so, why do you do it? Could you stop now?
OKAY on a happier note: Yesterday I booked a drivers license test (finally!!!) and last night I went late night shopping to get my dress (yes very last minute I KNOW since formal is on MONDAY! EEEEPPP!) and after trying on an infinite number, these are the 2 I narrowed it down to. I personally think they look much prettier IRL, but sadly you guys only get to see pictures. I'm going to go buy one of them later tonight after getting Phoebe's opinion on which she thinks is nicer (because last night I only had my dad's to go on, and he automatically chooses the more expensive one every time something like this comes round- with him MORE really is MORE). So here are the 2 dresses and several other misc pictures
Before you say anything YES I know my boobs are non-existent, and YES I know I am unreasonably skinny, but DUDE I'm loving my legs in these photos The colour screwed up a bit here though, the dress is beige and underneath the ruffles are white sparkly sequins. I love it. My boobs don't seem to be big enough to hold up this dress although they SEEM to be doing a reasonable job in the picture, so I think I'll have to buy some double-sided tape if this ends up being the dress I take home. $130. I think it's pretty worth it? Unfortunately my lack of boobage is much more obvious in this picture haha but damn I look tall here don't you think!! Alright, in this picture my legs look HIDEOUS. MOVING ON! The dress material isn't as good as the white one which was silk and sequins, but IRL it's quite nice since the colour contrasts my skin a bit more and stands out although I know it doesn't look AS nice here because of the disgusting flash on the camera. Lighting at COCO was so shit though so I had to use flash. $100 though... I'll try and bargain it down to $90.
NOW FOR JELLY'S RANDOM OTHER PICTURES My breakfast consisting of pappadums which I have to heat up. I usually don't really LIKE pappadums but these are really yummy! All you do is put them in the microwave for 45 seconds and VOILA! The carrot cake was REALLY filling and I struggled finishing it even though it's such a small slice. The nuts in it were really nice though, and a NUTRITIOUS nectarine to top it all off. No, the money, however tasty it might look, is not part of my breakfast, It's half the money I need to buy my formal dress. SO MUST REFRAIN FROM EATING THE KACHINGALING waiting for the bus to go down to the city, the road was so deserted it was FREAKING ME OUT! They aren't mine, they were sitting behind me while I was waiting I lent Fabian oil paper and he made it completely see through with his GREASE! Even though you can't see it in the picture. I was like WOAH URE OILY when I saw it, and compared it with the grease from William's face. BIG difference!! hahaha! But Fabian always has like amazing skin, even though it would SEEM that he's oily. Depressing!! Haha! Waiting for hillsong concert to start
PS If you guys would like to contact me via skype, my SN is yukarimayhem so feel more than free to add me. Likewise with twitter, facebook, myspace, stickam, youtube, etc. The links are all up there for you.
OKAY apologies that the first real blog I do since my freedom has rocked round is because I'm angry. Why might you ask am I angry? I'm angry because I'm thinking about the betrayal of somebody who I thought was a friend. Someone who I thought I could trust and look after and help through alot. Instead everything they presented ME with, everything they presented to EVERYBODY ELSE was a front. It wasn't real. And you know what, in the end, it's not me I'm pitying. It's not me I feel sorry for. I can deal with your betrayal. I can deal with the fact that you never really cared about ANY of the people who watched your back who gave you EVERYTHING you asked for at their OWN cost- monetary, emotionally and at the price of others perceptions of themselves (something which in our world seems to hold incredible value for whatever godforsaken reason). No, in the end it's YOU I feel sorry for. Because when this is all gone. When you've pushed away every single person in your life because you are petty and pathetic and cunning. When you've lost everything you wanted. When even the people you most care about and who most care about you WALK AWAY because they can't handle your clingy manipulation. What then? What are you going to do then?
And you know what, it's not all about you either. It's about ME. Gosh, why have I pretended like I don't matter to myself? WHY?! Why have I let a two faced son of a bitch push me around, why have I let SOMEONE ELSE (someone who I've wished for YEARS I could get out of my life) put WORDS in my mouth. You know, I'd leave all this if I could. The future I see doesn't involve you. The one person in my life who matters most to me would NEVER leave me, would NEVER hurt me, would NEVER lose faith or stop believing in me. He wouldn't put me down or let me question for a second his feelings towards me. But YOU? You're an insensitive bastard who thinks that I'm bound to him. I'm not. I'm my own person. I'll make my own decisions. Why can't you just leave me alone. Why do you have to cling to me like freaking mould. You've passed your use-by date. So get up, get lost, and take your shit-talking with you! You're two faced, pea-brained, petty and pathetic. THAT is my honest opinion of you. THAT is what I'm leaving behind. Goodbye!
*sigh* Have you ever felt so frustrated you just want to tear someone apart. Tried to forgive them and move forward with your life and be the better person. Then after a while, a few hours, a few days, a few weeks, a month at maximum, they do it all again. That's me. RIGHT now.
Not much to post on: I'll make this brief maybe unless I get carried away with the blog as it goes on which I tend to do sometimes. Sorry that there's always so much script. Alright, yesterday I asked David if he'd come meet me at the city in the morning so that he could show me how to get to Rydges hotel since my tutor was holding a lunch there for all his students. For a tutor, surprisingly, he's pretty awesome! So, it was much appreciated!! So, got ready rush rush rush and missed the bus I was meant to catch by LITERALLY 30 seconds and my feet were in INCREDIBLE pain *running with shoes is dangerous* and I had to wait for the next bus for half an hour thinking to myself *sigh* If I'd known I was going to miss the bus I could have straightened my hair prettier and moisturised my body more thoroughly. Oh well. David laughed at me when I told him on the phone.
When I arrived, met up with David and he introduced me to his friends ... anthony ... somebody and somebody xD LOL! HAHAHHA I'm real good. Saw some dude who worked at star bar who David knew who said he could score me free drinks IF I could get in, but sadly, since I'm underage and I have a babyface I wouldn't be able to anyway! SUCKS! Oh well, just have to make sure he remembers the deal next year (he won't, even though David says he'll never forget a girl's face). Met Shernese halfway through and she looked so lost and was going the other direction. Fortunately! David led us safely to Rydges! THANKS!
Had all you can eat Buffet at Ridges and made friends with some dudes and ladettes! It was incredibly fun. Apparently I seem like a bimbo unless you have class with me. Everyone agreed, then later when I met up with David he agreed too, and so did his friends. Oh the shame!!!!
First of all a HUGE sorry to all my subscribers/friends for not updating lately. I've been incredibly busy since the HSC. Mostly in a good way with a few sprinkles hither and thither of disaster. It's kind of shocked me and I feel taken aback. A reality check about how little of the world I actually know and about the dual nature of people. I don't know how to describe the circumstances that have surmounted during the weekend in all honesty. It involved the police. So, lets just leave it at that and out of respect to me please dont ask questions and if I must, I'll tell you myself, but otherwise its a no go zone don't talk to me about it, bring it up, NOTHING!
ORITE, so lets get to the GOOD stuff on thursday MY FREEDOM ISSUED INTO A REALITY! WOOOOOOOHHHH NO MORE HSC BITCHES!!! I was relaxing in the afternoon. Had a bit of a headache and got my sign off sheet signed by EVERYONE except for the library because I have TWO overdue books!!! BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE ZOMGAH fail :( so I have to return to the library in emoness as it means RETURNING to school, something I very much DO NOT want to do, because I'm so glad that chapters done and over. Couldn't wait for it to end after HSC. It was just dragging and dragging and I wanted my freedom. Went late night shopping with Mum (not for clothes) but for a canvas so that I could do some painting on Friday which was pretty epic.
On Friday, I begun my painting and I was soooo frustrated when I realised that I actually have no idea to draw. So in the end, I had to settle with drawing really simple things i.e. supermario and GIR from invader zim WOOHT, he's so cute Then went out to dinner
Saturday DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE DRAMA SUNDAY MORE DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA FML DRAMA! but then in the evening went to a Hillsong concert and it was AMAZING
sorry this blog is so boring. I have nothing really to blog about everythings been happening so fast lately. People kept staring at me today and truckies on the road kept honking at me and wolf whistling. I felt so disgusting *sigh*. Oh well TOMORROW LUNCH AT RIDGES HOTEL WOOHT! AND of course photos!!!! YEH check out them cheekbones hahaha Yeh, Chocolate on my lip
If you asked me who I thought was one of the most beautiful women in the world. Among people I highly respect that are close to me, and countless Asian celebrities (cause I'm a little obsessed), the one I think would stand out most and catch you by surprise would be Halle Berry. She's one of those girls I think gets HOTTER as she grows older, and that somehow looks better without a crapload of makeup. I just watched Catwoman, and I guess it's one of those movies that you either love or hate, and you can probably figure out my stance on it. I watch it almost every holidays, I am so utterly completely in love with it. I think I'm one of the few though because everybody else wrinkles their nose when I mention it. haha, another of the many many reasons you should never trust my advice. I really want a cat now .... Oh well, I guess I have Endo's Riri to play with =]. BUT NOTWITHSTANDING! Is it just me or has that woman not aged at all?!?!?!??!! Now and then photos anybody?... I don't have any so I'll just post random pictures haha.
There she is sporting her enviable body ... and chest D=<! WHY CAN"T I HAVE BOOBS LIKE THAT?!?
So from yesterday's frenzied, all-over-the-place post, you probably figured that I was TOTALLY FREAKING for Chemistry. Well the exam was today, and was it just me or was that exam somewhat ... easy?!?!?! I was completely caught off guard with how ALRIGHT it was and I think I scored around high 90s. Don't take my word for it though because it would be UTTERLY humiliating if I got a shitty ATAR and it was partially attributed to my chemistry mark. I feel much better though now, more refreshed. I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE EXAM UNTIL FREEDOM! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!! okay ... maybe you can, but WOW to me it's like an entire year spent in pain and torture with a million headaches that did NOT need to exist if it were not for the HORRIBLE INFLICTION known as the HSC. Economics, here I come
I was flicking through old photos and I found this. Is it just me or do I ALWAYS have a scab on my face? Anyway, this picture is from like *thinks* Year 10ish, so about 2 years ago. Yeh, save your breath. I know I got uglier. Everyone tells me I get uglier with age, I've kinda accepted it though, and kinda agree, so it's all good haha. Me last year this time pretending unsuccessfully to look like a Hot Nerd. And no, those lusciously long eyelashes are not my own haha. Unfortunately though I squished them under a pile of HSC books and they are no longer usable. GRR! Ack, my skin was so much better then!!
So some fun facts for you: My favourite book- Memoirs of a Geisha is somewhere up there, among others, but that's the one that stands out in my mind right now. My favourite movie- Kung Fu Hussle (One of) My favourite quotes (I have too many to list them all and this is fresh on my mind having just watched Catwoman)- "The day I died was the day I started to live. In my old life, I longed for someone to see what was special in me. You did, and for that, you'll always be in my heart. But what I really needed was for me to see it. And now I do... But you live in a world that has no place for someone like me. You see, sometimes I'm good. Oh, I'm very good. But sometimes I'm bad. But only as bad as I wanna be. Freedom is power. To live a life untamed and unafraid is the gift that I've been given, and so my journey begins."
So my question for you now- What are your favourite books, movies and quotes.
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*sigh*. Oh well TOMORROW LUNCH AT RIDGES HOTEL WOOHT! 
